Here we are. A New Year and lots of resolve. Have you stuck to the resolution that you set around midnight on 31st December, or is now top of next year's list of things that are going to change? So, what's happened? Why don't New Year resolutions work for most people? Read on-
- and there it is. Somewhere between another mince pie and the inevitable 1st January hangover. You've stuffed yourself on every imaginable version of cold turkey, certain that someone else must have eaten that big tin of Quality Street, nibbled a piece of Christmas cake every time you walked past it and convinced yourself that the orange juice in your Bucks Fizz was keeping your vitamin C levels up.
Then you go for a walk - by the river, through the woods or to the nearest off-license to stock up for the coming New Year celebrations. All that food is making you a little slower than usual. And there it is - that voice in your head that says "next year will be different." Yes, next year you will get fit / give up smoking / lose weight /get out of that job you really don't like.
And so you start the annual tradition of setting your New Year's resolution, determined that this year you will stick to it.
And, if you're really firm with yourself, you might just get past the 5th January without a cigarette. But by the time 15th January comes along your starting to beat yourself up for having failed yet again.
So, why do we set New Year's resolutions that so many of us give up on?
After all, when we make our resolution a part of us really wants to keep them. At heart we all know that our lives can be much better than they are. We all have things that we aspire to, dreams we want to come true and an undeniable believe that we can live a happier/better/richer life than the one we have right now. And you know, it is true. It's just that we need to work on it all year round, not just thinking about it at the turn of the year.
I remember when I was younger I always believed that when I work up on 1st January that the world would somehow be different and that I would be different too. When I realised that things didn't change just like that, I really began to hate New Year - it didn't do what it promised to do. I had to get a bit older before I realised that it had nothing to do with the date - that's just a number on a calendar - it was something to do with me. The world wasn't going to change to accommodate my wishes without me actually doing anything. I had to take action to make things change. And it didn't happen on 1st January either. It happened when I was ready and willing to work for the changes I wanted in my life.
One of the main reasons that New Year's resolutions don't work is that we make the kind of promises we think are expected of us at this time of year. Mostly we consider things that we think we should do - stop smoking, lose weight, get a new job, give some time to charity and so on - but we haven't really set our resolution to match with who we are and what's happening in our life right now.
Goals - or resolutions - work when we know exactly what we want and what we're going to gain from it. Followers of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) will tell you that it also has to work at an unconscious level. That's the part of your mind that takes care of the things you can do without consciously thinking of how to do them - walking, breathing, even driving!. It also works to protect you. So if you talk about losing weight or giving up smoking, your unconscious hears the words "lose" and "give up". It cannot rationalise or translate that into getting healthier. It thinks you're going to lose something and it goes to work protecting you from your loss.
So, to make your unconscious work with you think of your resolution in positive terms. Say what you are going to gain - a healthier life style, a smaller dress size, a stress-free working life. And keep saying it to yourself, at least 6 times a day, until your unconscious mind gets the message and starts helping you.
Next, consider whether you want to announce to the world what your resolution is. Ok, so if you suddenly stop smoking, people will notice. But, if your quest is get another job or start a healthier regime, you might just want to try these things out on your own to see how it goes. After all, if you announced to everyone last year how much weight you were going to shed before the summer, do you want them to start giving you that knowing look and putting you off before you've even started?
What else can you do? Read part 2 in our next newsletter. In the meantime, if your one of the millions whose resolution has faded, just tell remind yourself that you're not alone. The time isn't right. When it is, you'll do it!
